Alistaire's Movie Reviews
Musketeer Movies
There are over 65 Musketeer movies in the Internet Movie Database.
As for movies about artillery and artillerymen, there doesn't seem to be one
made after 1911 (Molly Pitcher, 1911).
Warning -- There are several movies that use the word Musketeer that have
nothing to do with Musketeers such as "Ring of Musketeers". I don't care if
they dream about Musketeers or have ancestors who were Musketeers.
Family Safe means no naughty bits showing, no scenes that will cause embarassing questions
about why d'Artagnon was in bed with Milady, no bad things happening to animals
and is so well written you won't vomit if you have to watch it four times with your children.
The Three Musketeers, 1973
The classic version directed by Richard Lester, staring Oliver Reed, Raquel Welch,
Richard Chamberlain, Michael York, Christopher Lee and Charlton Heston.
The producers filmed so much they released it as two movies: "The Three Musketeers", and
"The Four Musketeers".
These two movies actually show the Musketeers earning their pay as
soldiers during the siege of La Rochelle.
Screen Play by George MacDonald Frazer who wrote the Flashman novels.
Great Line:
Porthos: "May one delicately ask the cause in which we are expected to die?"
Aramis: "When you go on a campaign, does the King give his reasons? He says Porthos fight,
and you fight."
Porthos: "I do, I do."
Aramis: "Then let's go and be killed where we're told to. Is life worth
so many questions?"
The Four Musketeers, 1974
The sequel to the 1973 "Three Musketeers", it was filmed at the same time.
In the beginning there is a great scene of the Huguenot firing squad
trying to execute Rochefort using matchlock muskets - Musketeering at it's worst!
Great Line: "Only Porthos could invent a new way of disarming himself".
Mistakes: Athos threatens Milady with a wheellock pistol that has not been spanned or cocked,
and Milady can't tell that it's not ready for firing. Milady also attempts to murder Buckingham with
a caplock pistol that could not be earlier that 1840.
Return of the Musketeers, 1989
Directed by Richard Lester, it's still a sequel to the 1973 and 1974 movies and uses most
of the same cast and crew. Kim Catrall as Milady's daughter.
At Sword's Point, 1952
Conel Wilde, Maureen O'Hara, Alan Hale, jr.
Girl wants to become a Musketeer. Not the normal Musketeer story.
Yes, the Skipper was once a Musketeer - Porthos.
Family Safe.You might only be able to watch this one three times.
The Fifth Musketeer, 1979
Alos known as "Behind The Iron Mask".
Sylvia Kristel, Beau Bridges, Ursula Andress, Lloyd Bridges, Alan Hale Jr,
Jose Ferrer, Rex Harrison.
The Skpper plays Porthos again!
La Fille de d'Artagnan, 1994 (French)
(Revenge of the Musketeers)
Literal title: "The Daughter of d'Artagnan". d'Artagnan's daughter drags
out retired Musketeers to avenge the murder of her Mother Superior and expose
a conspiracy.
Some nudity, dead nuns.
French language, English subtitles.
The Three Musketeers, 1993
Tim Curry, Charie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O'Donnel, Oliver Platt
and Rebecca De Mornay.
A good variation on the Three Musketeers.
Great Line: "It's Porthos the pirate!"
Great Line: "With a flick of my wrist I can change your religion"
Great Line: "I love my work!"
Some female nudity.
The Man In The Iron Mask, 1976
ITV (British TV) production. Starring Richard Chamberlain, Patrick McGoohan, Louis Jordon,
Jenny Agutter, Ian Holm, Sir Ralph Richardson
Family Safe
The Man In The Iron Man
Leonardo DiCaprio, Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Gerard Depardieu.
La Femme Musketeer, 2004 (English)
Nastassja Kinski, Michael York, John Rhys-Davies and Gerard Depardieu.
Good writing except for the many mistakes, good cast. D'Artagnan's daughter runs off to be a Musketeer, dueling with
the children of Porthos, Athos and Aramis...meanwhile the original four have become
traveling performers. This actually works. Really.
The geography stinks as the writers think that a person traveling from Gascony in the south west
of France to Paris would meet someone traveling from England to Paris.
The Musketeers actually ride off to war,but don't take Muskets. The Cardnal's Guards
wear shiney vinyl uniforms and use 19th century cap lock pistols. The Musketeers actually use
three (count them) matchlock muskets, but they don't have match, no smoke appears and the sounds are
from bolt action rifles. :-(
It's amazing how many movies have people practising sword play with sharp weapons.
As far as I can tell, this is an English movie. The only things French in the movie are the title and
the actor portraying the Italian, Mazarin. All the Musketeers speak with Engish accents;
the Italian has a French accent.
English Language, No subtitles
Family Safe.
The Three Musketeers (Walt Disney)
Blurb: All For Fun And Fun For All.
Stars: Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.
Rated G
Child Safe but I could not watch the whole thing.
17th Century and Swashbuckler Movies
Shakespeare in Love, 1998
Gwyneth Paltrow, Geoffrey Rush, Joseph Fiennes, Judy Dench...
No Musketeers, but one of the best movies ever made. You need to
know "Romeo and Juliet" to catch many of the jokes.
There isn't a great deal of sword play, but what there is is excellent.
Great Lines: Countless.
Slight nudity, some bedroom scenes, references to female anatomy.
Romeo and Juliet, 1968
Olivia Hussey, Michael York. Possibly the best "Romeo and Juliet".
Romeo and Juliet is before the Musketeer period, but there is plenty of sword play and
it was written in the Musket time frame.
This is the one to watch before "Shakspeare In Love".
Great Lines: Too many too count.
Slight nudity, bedroom scenes.
Romeo & Juliet, 1994
Geraldine Somerville, Johnathan Firth, Jenny Agutter
Thames Television version.
Scaramouche, 1952
Stewart Granger, Elanor Parker, Janet Leigh and
Mel Ferrer.
The famous Rafael Sabatini novel set in the French Revolution.
It's not actually in the Musketeer period, but it is too good to ignore.
Fair amount of sword play and a fencing lession.
This movie is excelent.
Family Safe.
Cromwell, 1970
A rather one-sided (biased) version of the English Civil War.
Gunners may like the nice shot of a cannon being mounted on a carriage.
It's not as inaccurate as Hollywood usually makes them...
Fairly Child Safe, if you don't mind Cromwell smashing up a church.
But you won't want to see it four times.
The King's Thief, 1955
Ann Blyth, Edmund Purdom, David Niven, George Sanders, Roger Moore.
They are not really Musketeers, but it's 17th century, Hollywood style.
Family Safe.
Sharpe's Rifles
British TV series set the the Spanish campaign of the Napoleonic Wars.
Thirteen two hour episodes.
Very Good.
Slight female nudity, bad language.
Not really for children.
La Reine Margot, 1994 (French) (Queen Margot)
Another Alexandre Dumas novel, this time in 1572 and Massacre of St. Bartholomew.
This is a real movie, not an adult feature. Some sex and nudity, lots of violence and dead animals.
Queen Margot's mother is Catherine de Medici.
French Language, English subtitles.
Not for children!
The Last Valley, 1970
Michael Caine, Omar Sharif, Brian Blessed.
During the Thirty Years War, a band of mercenaries occupy an
isolated German valley for the winter.
For soldiers in this period, they have a shocking lack of firearms.
Cyrano de Bergerac, 1950
Jose Ferrer, Mala Powers.
Famous swordsman woos Roxane.
Cyrano de Bergerac, 1990 (French)
Gerard Depardieu, Anne Borchet.
Famous swordsman helps his friend woo Roxane.
French language, English subtitles.
Le Bossu, 1997 (French) (On Guard)
Literal title: The Hunchback
Lagardère, a robber turned bodyguard vows to avenge his employer's murder on his wedding
day
and protect the man's infant son. Legardère hides the child for 16 years until fate forces him
to avenge the murder and restore the child's inheritance.
Slight male frontal nudity and a female breast.
French language, English subtitles, which you must manually activate on the DVD version.
Well written.
By The Sword Divided (1983)
Season one of a two season BBC TV series set in the English Civil War. Ten episodes.
Family Safe
Only available in Region 2/PAL DVDs and PAL VHS tapes.
You require a multiregion VCR or DVD player to view this,
or you may be able to play this on your computer if you have a DVD drive.
The techical advisor was the founder of the Sealed Knot.
Well written.
Adult Musketeer Movies
Nothing Is Sacred
The Three Musketeers Part 1 & Part 2
A cast of one hundred including Diedre Holland, Nina Hartly...
Girl wants to become Musketeer.
Rated XXX.
The Erotic Adventures of The 3 Musketeers, 1993
Cable (rated more than R) version of "The Three Musketeers Part 1 & Part 2".
Girl wants to become Musketeer.
The King's Musketeers
Staring Desire Vinci and Nikki Anderson
I don't know if the movie is rated X, but the box cover certainly is.
Loosers You Should Never See
The Musketeer, 2001 - LOOSER
This should have been called "Crouching Scripwriter, Hidden Producer".
It's full of those dorky fake eastern marial arts performed on wire harnesses.
The surprise in the back of the coach isn't too bad.
The Last Musketeer, 1952
Stupid cowboy movie, with bandanas and six guns.
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This page last updated on March 31, 2005.
This page created on February 8, 2003.